Common courtesy is dying a slow, painful death.

How difficult is it to RSVP to an invitation? Apparently it's harder than I thought.

Do you think perhaps folks simply do not understand what RSVP means? After all, not only is it French, it's also an acronym. Only, if only I lived in a country that spoke French as a second language (I do) or had some sort of machine that allows one to search up information (there is), it would be revolutionary.

RSVP. Répondez s'il vous plaît. In English? Please respond.

Birthday parties have become so stressful to me for that reason alone. I can leave a home phone number, cell number and three email addresses and it's crickets on all formats. How am I supposed to know how many goodie bags to make if you don't respond? Do I buy an ice cream cake because two of the children invited have a gluten allergy or can I make a homemade 10-inch round and finally have a legit reason to splurge on some new baking tins for fear that my regular and very loved tins have nut residue? Do I purchase those extra pack of plates, cups, and cutlery? Do I buy a small fruit tray or spring for the extra large party platter because I know your child will only eat fruit? I DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T REPLIED TO OUR INVITE. I'm now even more stressed because you are not the only one that has done this. The party is on Saturday; it's now Thursday and I'm still waiting on two others that haven't replied despite the fact the RSVP deadline was last Sunday. Please don't make me chase you down to ask. It's embarrassing for the both of us and my time is just as valuable as yours. I don't want to be made out to look like an asshole in front of the other parents if your child shows up and I have nothing for them. It makes me look irresponsible when nothing could be further from the truth.


We have also endured lost in translations situations in the past. I've had a few parents emphatically and defensively let me know that, "You've sent an invite so you obviously wanted my child there!" Yes, this is true, but again, this brings me back to my original argument. I need to know if they will be attending for aforementioned reasons.

I would, however, like to give a warm shout out to those parents that do reply, but ask if their younger child can also attend; DOUBLE PRIZES when it's more than one child. How about some exploding confetti for those that don't even bother to ask, but show up with them and actually encourage them to join in the festivities, especially when it's at a facility that charges an extra $30 per child. You see, my child - the birthday child - has 12 friends they really wanted to invite, but was only allowed to invite eight. That means four friends did not make the cut, prompting emotional crying on all fronts. My child was visibly upset for several days that they had to painfully choose who got to come and who could not. BUT PLEASE, by all means, have your younger child join us. Oh, what's that? Don't offer to pay the difference? NO PROBLEM. I'll just pluck it off the money tree in my backyard that is multiplying by the second. I LOVE YOU MOST OF ALL.


So the next time you have the ladyballs to tell your child the reason they cannot have eat anything I'm serving is because I didn't order the gluten-free, lactose-free pizza or sugar-free cake free of Dye #1, #5, #10, or #13439 because I'm (ME) the forgetful mommy, you may want to refresh your list of piss poor excuses or perhaps tell them truth. Chances are, when you dropped them off and they had a fit, I told them the real reason.

I've made a cake to soothe my soul that is chock full of dairy, eggs, refined sugar, and gluten. Everything in moderation, friends. This bundt cake is sinfully delicious. The dark cocoa powder gives this cake the rich colour while lending a gentle hand of toning down the sweetness. I've added chocolate glaze with mini chocolate chips and sprinkles because I deserve it even if it does contradict what I just said.

I may have even saved a party horn to toot when I feel the need to.

It's my party and I'll do what I want to.



DARK CHOCOLATE BUNDT CAKE

2 cups all purpose flour
1½ teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon sea salt
1 cup black or Dutch-processed cocoa powder, sifted
1 cup boiling water
6 ounces premium dark chocolate, coarsely chopped
1¼ cup unsalted butter, at room temperature
5 large eggs, at room temperature
1 cup brown sugar, firmly packed
1 cup granulated sugar
1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract
1¼ cup sour cream (2% or higher fat content is best)
1 cup milk chocolate chips, optional

Chocolate Glaze
6 ounces premium dark chocolate
½ cup unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 tablespoon light corn syrup

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Prepare a bundt pan by lightly spraying inner surface with a non-stick spray, preferably one that has the addition of flour in it. If you do not have such spray or cannot find it in your area, generously apply butter or solid vegetable shortening and evenly coat with flour, removing any excess flour.

To make cake:

In a large mixing bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, and salt. Set aside.

In a separate mixing bowl, whisk together cocoa powder and boiling water. Whisk gently but quickly until incorporated. Add in chopped dark chocolate. Allow to stand for two minutes and gently whisk until chocolate is completely melted. Set aside.

In another large mixing bowl, beat together butter, brown, and granulated sugars until light and creamy. Add in eggs, one at a time, and beat well between additions. Once fully incorporated, add in chocolate mixture. Add in flour mixture, alternating with sour cream, only mixing until incorporated. Scrape down the bowl as needed. Once all ingredients are fully incorporated, pour into prepared bundt pan.

Bake for 50-60 minutes, checking as early as 45 minutes. Cake is done when a skewer inserted comes out clean or with a few moist crumbs. Remove from oven and allow to stand for 10 minutes before inverting onto a wire rack to cool.

To make glaze:

In a saucepan over medium low heat, melt chocolate, butter and corn syrup. Once all ingredients are nicely combined and warmed through, remove from heat. Do not allow to boil. Whisk and generously pour over top of cake. Embellish with mini chocolate chips, chopped nuts, sprinkles, toasted coconut or how you see fit if so desired.

If you do not wish to make glaze, dust with powdered sugar for visual effect before cutting and serving.

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